Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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