apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
