Im at strip club and am horny
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
