Im at strip club and am horny
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
