But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
