i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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