i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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