Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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