we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
