i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
