Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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