I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
