So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
