He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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