I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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