In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
