"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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