You made me cry and you don't even care
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
