The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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