Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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