I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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