I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
