just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
