I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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