u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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