What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
