Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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