what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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