Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
