This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
