giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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