Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
