allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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