Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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