cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
