four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
