So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
