I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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