sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
