i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
