I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
