He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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