i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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