he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
