Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
