take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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