I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cannot find my penis.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
