Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
be right there i have to get my cape
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
