that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
