Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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