I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
