My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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