I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
