I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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