There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
